


King of Iron Mpreg, or, Why I Preggers?

by Merci



Series: Tekken Crack [2]
Category: Tekken
Genre: Blood, Crack, Humour, Incest, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Mpreg, Mpreg Birth, Parent/Child Incest, Sibling Incest, Squick, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-20
Updated: 2010-05-20
Packaged: 2017-10-16 20:21:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/168975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merci/pseuds/Merci
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if the devil gene bestowed magical uteruses on its carriers, allowing them to become pregnant?  What if this somehow went horribly wrong?</p><p> </p><p><span class="small">
<i>Get out while you still can.</i>
<br/><i>I’m serious! There are things you can’t unread!  Don’t freak on me if Kazuya’s water breaking is too much for you.</i>
</span></p>
            </blockquote>





	King of Iron Mpreg, or, Why I Preggers?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Harmonde](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Harmonde).



> **Disclaimer:** I do not own Tekken, Kazuya, Lee, Hwoarang, Jin, Jinpachi, or Heihachi. I am making no profit from this fanfiction.
> 
> This was written for harmonde for Christmas. She requested it for the lulz, I wrote it for the lulz, I hope it’s enjoyed for the lulz.
> 
>  **The request was:** _“Jin/Hwoarang and Kazuya/Lee and Jinpachi/Heihachi, lol. Surprise!mpreg. The Devil Gene carriers somehow get their respective partners pregnant, because they're devils and weird shit just happens. Emphasis on lulz and "WTF Jin how could this happen I am a fucking man.””_
> 
> I can’t believe I wrote this. I’m glad I did, but I still can’t believe it, as is evident by my comments in places. I beat on the fourth wall a couple times, but that was out of mercy for your sanity. I’m serious; if you haven’t read the warnings, go back to read them! Like my Old Man Fight fic, I won’t accept any flames for this.
> 
> You can try, but I’ll just laugh and laugh and then delete your comment.

It was unusual to see Kazuya at the doctor's office for anything, so when Jin spied his dad across the aisle from him in that very place, he took notice. His dad was glaring at the floor, possibly trying to burn a hole in it, and exuded an extra-pissy demeanour.

Great. Jin sank lower in his seat and tried to be invisible and failing spectacularly all at once. He surreptitiously watched Kazuya and prayed that Hwoarang didn’t burst into the waiting room just yet.

His heart thudded in his ears as he heard a voice outside the door and he sank lower in his seat.

Both Mishimas sat in dreaded silence, watching the door knob slowly turning. The door swung open on creaking hinges, revealing the familiar shadow that darkened the doorway. Jin gulped audibly and Kazuya grumbled as the figure looked around and made eye contact with them.

Conversation was unavoidable.

"Grandpa?" Jin gasped, sinking lower into his chair and wrapping his arms around his stomach. This wasn’t happening.

"What are you doing here, old man?" Kazuya barked and tried to get up, but his changed physique prevented him from springing to his feet. Instead, he grimaced in pain and leaned back in his chair, deciding on glaring at his father and rubbing his distended belly. “Don’t tell me you’re here for the same thing!”

"Shut up, Kazuya," Heihachi said, sheepishly looking behind him and stepping aside so that Jinpachi could get past.

The eldest patriarch of the Mishima clan stepped into the waiting room, red robes billowing about him and a thermometer stuck from the gaping mouth on his stomach. He hunched painfully and rubbed under the mouth's chin. The sharp teeth quivered around the glass tube, placid when compared to the hungry maw that blasted fireballs at the last tournament.

All four men looked at one another, untrusting, questioning looks. Finally, they all nodded and said in unison, "Stomach ache."

The door opened behind them and Lee and Hwoarang walked in, laughing and joking with each other, completely oblivious to the sour looks they were getting.

Lee was the first to stop short in front of his nephew and look around, seeing the fucked-up family reunion from hell. "Uh..." he blushed red and hurried to Kazuya's side.

"What the hell is going on?" Hwoarang asked, standing before Jinpachi and scratching his head.

"What indeed," a man wearing a white lab coat -- presumably a doctor – announced. "Normally I would deliver results like this in private, but, given the... odd nature of the results and the blood relations between the patients, I thought it would be best to drop this bomb on everyone all at once." He grinned.

"Lay it on us, Doctor," Hwoarang said, clenching his fists and thrusting his pelvis out for emphasis. "We can _take_ it!"

"Uh," the doctor mumbled and flipped through his charts. "I've never seen anything like this. There must be some genetic mutation or curse that you all share." He scratched his head and looked at Jinpachi. "Actually, I'm certain of it." He snatched the thermometer from demon mouth and inspected the temperature. "Wow, this thing gets pretty hot, doesn't it?"

"Doctor, the results!" Kazuya growled, inciting Lee to hop to his feet and jerk the clip board away from the man in white.

His pale face went through a range of emotions, shifting from confusion, to glee, and finally horror when he flipped the page. "Oh my GOD!"

"What?" Kazuya barked.

"N-nothing," Lee tucked the clipboard behind his back and whistled a jaunty tune.

Heihachi punched him in the gut while Hwoarang snuck behind him and stole the chart. "Quit being a dick, Lee!" he turned angry eyes to the pages, going through a similar range of emotions which culminated with a horrified look at Jin. "It can't be..."

"Idiot, let me see that." Heihachi took the board from Hwoarang and began to read. "What?"

"We're pregnant." Jinpachi said with some finality. "Mpreg, as the kids call it."

All eyes turned to the eldest Mishima who seemed unfazed. His steaming white hair contrasted with his bronzed skin. The mouth was humming a jaunty tune and making baby noises to, presumably, the baby inside.

"How could this happen?" Hwoarang bellowed, jamming his fists in the air.

"Where babies come from?" Lee picked himself up off the floor and put his arm around the Korean’s shoulders. He began to talk very loudly about what a sperm is and progress into graphic detail of the magic of conception, complete with gestures and funny voices.

"No, idiot!" Hwoarang turned from the horrific reenactment. "We're guys, we have no uterus!"

Everyone went quiet for a moment, that little fact seeming to weigh heavy on their ability to theorize.

The doctor stepped back in and cleared his throat. "That is why I called you all in. There's something about your genetic makeup that allowed for this to happen. You three must share something in common, some--

"It's a demon thing," Jinpachi sighed forlornly and poked at his belly. It seemed to be larger.

Heihachi seemed to shrink in on himself as realization hit him. "You mean, I've been trying to steal the devil gene for all these years, and THIS could have happened to ME?"

Kazuya folded his arms over his chest and growled whenever Lee tried to touch him. "You did this to me, you horny bastard."

"But this is great, Kazzy," Lee tried to pull his brother closer. "We can pick out names and put a nursery in my mansion in the Bahamas. It will be just like a real family." Tears brimmed in his eyes as he began imagining being in a family that wasn't fucked up.

"Normal family life is unheard of for Mishimas, or anyone tied to us," Jinpachi said as he massaged his belly. All eyes fell on him in hypnotized horror as the old man began squeezing his pecs, which seemed to be growing softer and more breast-like.

Unfortunately, the horror could only get worse from here. Author’s Note: Get out while you still can.

"I could have lived my whole life without seeing that," Hwoarang swallowed and buried his face in Jin's shoulder. "Kazama, make it go away."

Jin remained as quiet as a corpse throughout the whole process, squeezing his eyes shut and wishing he could do the same with his ears. A sudden realization struck him, but the weight of it was too heavy to breathe aloud. He looked sharply at his grandfather and dad, before peering at their respective partners. His mouth moved in silent exposition, unable to declare the truth of the situation.

Lee, on the other hand, being more jaded, was happy to point out how Jinpachi and Jin had let their partners fuck them in the ass. “It’s nice to know that we’re all so reversible!”

Hwoarang pointed out that Kazuya must have bent over for him, too. Lee smiled and said that wasn’t anything new, and then quickly dancing out of range of Kazuya's backhand attack.

Jin’s face grew paler, as the horror gripped his very soul.

The horror seemed at home with Kazuya, who was turning red, like the volcano he wished someone would throw him into.

The doctor stood off to the side, listening to the chaos unfold and taking notes on what he saw. He slowly edged closer to the group, eying the pregnant men and wondering who would be the most receptive to his questions. Kazuya and Heihachi were a bad idea, Jin might have been willing, but he couldn't see a clear path to sidle up to him without attracting Lee or Hwoarang's attention. He finally settled on Jinpachi, who appeared calm enough throughout the entire ordeal.

Perhaps too calm.

He perched uncomfortably on the chair and turned toward the charred man, being careful to avoid looking at his belly or breasts. "Mister Mishima?" he asked after a moment. "Could you elaborate on what you meant by 'demon thing'? I'd like to know… more about... uh," he trailed off as his eyes were dragged down to the gleaming teeth of his mouth-belly. “He wanted to look away—knew that he was staring into something awful—but his eyes betrayed his curiosity. Not even the perky breasts that sagged happily around the mouth could make him look away.

The teeth glinted in the fluorescent lighting and he erroneously, foolishly, stupidly, moronically—and any other adverb that fit the bill—reached out to inspect them. He might have later claimed he was checking the health of the potential birth canal, but that would be a ruse to cover his idiocy. Really, how could he deliver ass-babies with a mangled hand? His scream ripped from his throat as the mouth clamped shut on his fingers and tried to tear his hand back… too late.

"I wouldn't try that," Heihachi said. "That mouth is only good for biting," he lowered his pants to show the bite marks along his dick.

Kazuya threw up a little in his mouth.

The author is wondering why she's writing this -- oh yes, she is a masochist.

"Get it off!" the doctor screamed. Everyone but Jin chuckled evilly at the poor doctor's predicament. "Help me, or have fun birthing these babies without me!"

That stopped them in their giggles and Kazuya and Jin sprang into action; prying at the mouth and trying to persuade Jinpachi to let go.

Lee and Hwoarang were clutching each other in hysterics, gasping for air.

"It thought you were going to hurt the baby," Jinpachi sighed and released the doctor's hand. "My last son was such a disappointment, I'm hoping this one is nicer."

"Hey!" the son in question swiveled on his old man and huffed out his chest. "He's my son, too!"

"That makes you its daddy-brother," Jinpachi sighed and rubbed his belly. His white beard cascaded down his chest and tickled the edges of the mouth.

Hwoarang's eyes grew wide and he looked between the two couples. "Holy fuck, this family _is_ screwed up! I'm the only one who isn't in an incestuous relationship."

"But you ARE going to be a daddy to another man's child," Lee sidled up to him and put his arm around his shoulders. "Don't think you can escape the fuckery of this family curse. I've found that if you can't  
beat em'..." he leaned close to Hwoarang's ear, his breath tickling as he whispered, "fuck em'"

Both men looked out over the scene before them; two men unaffected, yet not strangers to the Mishima curse. The hapless doctor cradled his injured hand as he rocked back and forth in a chair. Heihachi was cradling his hip flask and grumbling death threats at the universe. Jin and Jinpachi were morose, patting their distended bellies – one of which was cooing baby noises to itself. Only Kazuya seemed to be quiet about the whole thing… actually, he seemed to have vanished.

Lee frowned and took off in pursuit of the mother of his child.

Hwoarang followed close behind as they traveled down the hallways of the spacious medical building, cracking open doors as they went, only to find startled patients in various stages of undress.

"Oh, pardon us…" Lee said, graciously.

"…We're just looking for out babydaddies." Hwoarang slammed the last door shut and looked poignantly at the Silver Devil. "Where to next? I should get back to Jin, but I don't want to miss anything funny."

Lee ignored the remark and brushed a hand through his silver mane. One door remained at the end of the hallway and he approached the dark gateway, sensing something promising about the aura within. He touched the doorknob and lightly turned it. The door swung open without a sound, slowly opening to the darkened room beyond. Lee paused. He couldn’t see Kazuya, but he could feel static electricity in the air. Lee recognized it instantly. Growing up with Kazuya had honed his instincts to razor-sharpness. In a blinding instant he could recognize danger and evade.

Too bad Hwoarang had no such instincts. The door snapped back, cracking him in the face and sending him flying backwards, blood trailing from his nose as he went.

Kazuya was hot on his trail and stormed out of the room, spinning around and going off on Lee.

Lee tried his best to play it cool and leaned against the wall and smiling warmly at his lover. “Uh, hey, baby.”

"You did this to me, you goddamn bastard!" he nearly shrieked. His face was as red as it could probably go without him rupturing something -- and Lee suspected that was an immediate risk as well. "How the fuck am I going to deliver this... this..." he gestured wildly at his belly and Lee risked moving closer.

"It'll probably come out the way it went in."

"Yeah," Hwoarang added, "don't tell me you've never taken an ass-ripping shit before."

The author felt her soul shrivel at what she'd just written, but it was too late to turn back; no way to un-write that which had been keyed into her iPod. The fourth wall was cracked horribly and the lulz were too entertaining. They seeped through, ruining the characters she so-loved. She proceeded to think and write about how Kazuya exploded all over Hwoarang -- figuratively, not literally -- and called him all sorts of nasty names. He was very creative with the assault and Hwoarang did his best to not threaten to kick his ass.

He was tempted, of course, but thought better of striking a pregnant man.

Lee saw his opportunity. He didn’t hold back, either, and quickly hit Kazuya across the face, cutting off his bitch-fest.

"What are you doing?" Hwoarang shouted, stepping back as he watched the pregnant man recover, wiping blood from his mouth. "He's almost ready to burst, and you hit him?"

"Anyone coming into this family should get used to it,” Lee sniffed and flipped his hair. “Besides, if I was going to hurt him, I'd have kicked. Anyone who plays me in the game knows I'm stronger with my kicks.”

The fourth wall shuddered.

Hwoarang could sense the impending danger. "I should probably just go see what Jin is doing..." he began backing away.

"He's busy being pregnant!" Kazuya hollered after him and looked for something to throw.

Lee, who'd developed balls-o'-steel from dealing with Kazuya for so long hugged his brother from behind and held on for the ride. (That's figurative balls, not literal balls... It would be hard to impregnate Kazuya with steel... Uh, yeah. Anyway!)

Kazuya thrust back, knocking the Silver Devil into a wall and growled. "Get off, Chaolan!"

Lee, being the petulant bastard that he was, held on tighter. "No!" He pulled Kazuya back and nuzzled his neck. “You're having my baby and I'm going to take care of it, and you, damnit!”

Kazuya continued to struggle, fighting the man on his back, until his movements slowed and a new struggle arose within him. "Chaolan..." he bent over and cradled his stomach. There was a sudden tightness in his ass that he couldn’t hold back. He groaned as a torrent of water gushed from his loosening sphincter and he looked at his brother with horrified eyes. "I think the baby's coming..."

+++

Back in the waiting room, unaware of the trauma about to be experienced a short distance away, the remainder of the Mishima clan, Hwoarang, and their doctor sat around discussing the finer points of  
fatherhood. Well, one of them was, anyway.

"I hope this baby doesn't chain me up below a temple," Jinpachi mused, rubbing his belly and tickling beneath the mouth’s chin. "I'm going to be the best father evar!"

The doctor repressed his gag reflex and fiddled with the bandages on his hand. This was just too much, really… he hoped they could pay for all his anguish, and fuck their trauma of ass-birthing. He made notes on his beloved clip board, never daring to get close to the mouth-belly again.

Jin did his best to hold back his inner rage as his grandfather went on and on. He could have done well if that was the only irritant, but then Hwoarang was leaning on him and playing his belly like a bongo drum, and it was really testing his mettle.

"Y'know, I hope Kazama makes a girl,” Hwoarang announced, tapping a hypnotic rhythm on Jin’s stomach. “Yeah, cuz then I'd beat up all the guys who try to fuck her." He stopped his drumming and placed his hands on his hips, grinning at the ceiling as he marveled at his own brilliance. "Yeah, I'm going to name her something really classy, too, like Chuck Norris. Yeah, Chuck-Norris Kazama."

"That's it!" Jin shrieked suddenly, killing all other conversations around him. "Chuck Norris is a tired Internet meme AND a guy's name! And why will she get my last name? I can't believe I let you touch me..." He wept uncontrollably before another sharp mood swing sent him lunging for the father of his ass-baby.

"Shit!" Hwoarang hissed as he blocked the shot and pulled Jin close. "Relax, baby. Fighting isn't good for the baby."

"It'll live," Jin growled as he struggled against the Korean's strong embrace. "Let me go I hate you you did this to me and now I think the baby's coming ohmygodyouassholehelpmegetmypantsoff!"

Hwoarang loosened his grip as the lack of punctuation shocked his soul. Then the realization that he was going to be an insta-father hit him like one of Jin’s Bitch Kicks. "Oh shit!" he shrieked uncharacteristically and grabbed the doctor's lapels. "Do something!"

"Hmm, fascinating..." he reached into his pocket and withdrew latex gloves that snapped loudly as he pulled them on. "Now, let's get you into the--"

"Doctor!Kazuya'shavingthebabynow!" Lee cut him off as he rushed down the hallway. He stopped in front of the doctor, having for breath and wiping the sweat from his brow before he noticed Jin. He stopped his panting and looked at him for a long moment, before seeing Hwoarang. There was a pause in the excitement as he looked between Jin and the room where Kazuya was in labour, and then expectantly at the doctor.

"Chuck Norris is coming!" Hwoarang bellowed, kicking things back into action as he grabbed the doctor and shook him violently. "Do something!"

"If that really was Chuck Norris, he'd have punched his way out by now,” the doctor made a note on his clipboard. “It seems that your violent outbursts have induced labour. Now, come with me, everyone, I’m going to save the day." He guided them down a hall to a large delivery room complete with three delivery beds.

"Wow, this is convenient," Lee whistled as he helped Kazuya inside.

"Plot convenience," the doctor nodded. "Now, check it out, just take off your pants and squat -- I read this in a Gundam Wing fanfic once. Explicit mpreg birth, baby! – I’ll be right back with some pillows!"

The man in white skipped out the door, leaving four very scared men in the delivery room. Jinpachi seemed no different from before and Heihachi sat beside him on one of the comfy chairs.

"How are you, dad?" Heihachi asked. Being careful of the protective demon mouth as he patted the distended belly.

"Fine, I suppose. Better than being trapped beneath a mountain."

"God, will you ever let me live that down?" Heihachi threw his arms up in the air. "I said I was sorry. What do I have to do?"

Jinpachi looked at him sternly for a moment. "Stop calling me dad. It's creepy."

"But you ARE my dad! And you're having my baby! That makes you my--"

Jinpachi shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. His belly cooed lovingly and he peered down at its toothy grin. "What's up?" he asked. "Oh, do you think the readers -- if they've braved this far -- would like to read about Kazuya and Jin's deliveries? Mine is relatively painless, all I have to do is ask you to open wide and pull the baby out. Wouldn't they much rather read about that?" He cocked his head to the side.

The mouth grinned.

“It’s going to be horrifically graphic, you know.”

It grinned wider.

It was an evil grin.

Jinpachi grinned, too, and looked over to the trauma across the room, thus guiding the author and reader to the real action; two men who were busy taking the equivalent to the world's biggest shit. EVAR.

Kazuya squatted, his pants missing—are we SURE this is necessary?—and clung to the side of a birthing bed, a look of pain on his face.

Lee hovered behind, touting a bucket of boiled water, though, he didn't know what it was for. (They always needed them in the movies.)

Jin was more serene as he crouched over the floor, bracing himself on the edge of the bed and trying his best to ignore Hwoarang. The man in question, who didn't know what to do with himself, was frantically playing with Jin's hair, ruffling the loose ends and smoothing it down against his scalp.

"I'll. Kill. You. Chaolan," Kazuya gritted. "Where's the damn doctor?"

"Pillows for all!" the doctor said, bursting into the room and chucking armload of the fluffy-white cushions at everyone. They landed, as if by magic, under Jin and Kazuya's asses. "Now, let's see  
if you two are properly dilated..."

He didn’t even get a chance to feel inside Kazuya’s ass.

In hindsight, his experience with the demon mouth should have taught him something.

"DIE!!!!!!!!!" Jin and Kazuya shrieked in unison, their bodies flaring with blue and red energy that mixed together to make a pretty purple devil energy, and together they FIRED a blast of electricity, engulfing the doctor and blowing him—not oral sex, pervert!—out of the room.

The purple aura swirled over Jin and Kazuya’s bodies, illuminating their sweat as well as the small figures that emerged from their asses. Yes, they were giving birth at the same time because of magic and because the author can't believe what she's writing. Seriously; buttsex is okay, but one baby being pushed through a sphincter and shat onto a hospital pillow is too much? Wait, that's two babies. Well, I'm not describing the afterbirth. Fuck that. No, instead I'll gloss over that part and come back to our fighters after Lee and Hwoarang have picked up their children, and after Heihachi got his arm bitten to shit as he tried to deliver his baby from his dad's ass-womb. Yeah, I said it.

"Oh, she's so beautiful," Lee cooed over his newborn as a nurse magically appeared to wrap the babies in warm things.

"It's a boy," she said to him, pointing out the penis.

"Lol, oh yeah!" Lee laughed, and was immediately punched by Kazuya.

Jin's ooc mood swings seemed to wane as he held his daughter in his arms and he looked up at Hwoarang with a sombre look.

Hwoarang drew close to his boyfriend and wrapped his arm around his trembling back, helping him to stand. "You did good, baby."

"Don't call me baby."

Lee was still unconscious as Kazuya stood, leaving a fine mess on the pillow and cradling his son. He pulled on his pants and dragged Lee out by his heel. "See you assholes at the next tournament."

Heihachi cradled his baby and helped his father to stand, ready to leave as well.

"Wait!" the char-broiled doctor called out, blocking the exit, earning him a death-glare from Kazuya. "We have to perform tests! Blood work! Immunization shots!"

"SHOTS?!" Jin bellowed.

"Not in the head, idiot," Heihachi grumbled.

"I have a lab that can do that," Lee mumbled from the floor. "Let's go to the Bahamas!"

Everyone shrugged and went along with it. The doctor was no match for the entire main cast of the Tekken series –minus Leon, er, Lars. They all flew down to the Bahamas where they raised their children together in a new hippie commune based around being a strong fighter.

Eventually there was a disagreement of sorts and they parted ways, only to meet again in the next tournament: King of Iron Fist 12: Heirs to the Throne of Ass.

**Author's Note:**

> Have some Internet cookies for reading this far. Hopefully you’re not so full of hatred for me that you’re composing a death threat in the comments section. Trust me; I’m just as horrified as you are.  
> My only hope for this story’s redemption is that you found it funny.
> 
> Did you?
> 
> I sure did ^______^


End file.
